How do I look? ... I must say I'm amazed

Andrew and mom are checking themselves out in a mirror.
Mom: Man, you have a pretty mother!
Andrew: The people on TV are prettier than you.
Mom, in mock disbelief: Now you've hurt my feelings!
Sasha, trying to make mom feel better: Don't worry, mom, some people are even uglier!

Funny Business

Mommy: Can I kiss your nose?
Sasha: Only if I can have another Popsicle!

Andrew: Mom, how do penguins poop?
Mom: Out of their butts.
Andrew: Man, I wish I could see that!

Andrew: I made up a joke. What do you call a dorky vampire?
Mom: What?
Andrew: Count Dorkula!